Let me start by saying I thought the cacophony of silence on the site was deafening. I've posted a bunch but people had not really been so inclined to post comments or rebuttals. Usually when you get into this stuff you get at least a couple loose cannons in the crowd to make things interesting. The problem with the web is your audience is completely anonymous and invisible.
It's interesting that recently I've gotten more feedback in real life (from people I don't even know) than I have from the web site or even from my own band. It's cool, and a little unnerving , but mostly cool. I want to thank my readers.
Anyone that was at rehearsal yesterday knows I was not having a good day.
Thanks to just a little positive feedback, today is indeed a good day.
As directors, we need to keep this in mind at all times. A little negative feedback goes a long way to making our sensitive musicians insecure, and when we are insecure, we deliver our worst fears in abundance. However, little positive feedback goes a long way to really build someone up.
In an extreme case, I've watched seasoned professionals tell me (the sound man for the night) to turn the backup vocals down on a concert he was doing. The backup singers were having an "off-night". Within five minutes, he was back up on stage, rehearsing more, but doling out the compliments to the singers, building them up! Seems counter to our Godly search for truth and honesty, right? But as a result, their performance did improve!
When we start down the path of negativity, it reinforces peoples' fears in themselves, and it allows their insecurities to take over.
When we bolster with positive feedback, or just even reinforce confidence in people's abilities, we build people capable of doing more than they thought!
And Another Thing
I have the privilege of playing with some of the finest musicians in Catholicism. (No, I'm not saying that because of the above article!) These guys get it and humbly serve every week!
In the past, I've done my part for giving negative feedback – especially when it comes to instruments. Oddly, I have the ability to play piano, guitar, bass and drums (albeit with mediocrity and without discipline). Oddly, it did not actually help me lead – it had put me in the position of wanting to micro-manage every note, flail, pattern and arpeggio out of the band.
I also have the curse of not being able to lie. Remember the whole thing about building up and not being critical? It hasn't always been my strong suit, and I'm still working at it. What those of us who can't lie and don't know what to say do is we stutter and beat around the bush – poorly. This method of communicating is completely ineffective and not as transparent as we'd like it to be. We don't want to say anything bad though – but we have to say SOMETHING.
During rehearsal two weeks ago as we're going through rehearsal before mass, I worked with the guitarists as usual, but I thought I was being critical. When I approached the drummer (Gary – bless ya!) after mass, wondering if I was being to "director-y", he set me straight. I was doing great – and I wasn't being critical. I had changed my style with what I communicated. I had given broad suggestions, built up what parts they had come up with, reinforced their intuition, and given them ideas where they could take their work. In essence, showed them my confidence in their abilities without being critical, and given them room to grow.
Cool, eh? I just wish it didn't happen by accident!
So, Coming Back Around
Our musicians live on compliments. Yes, they truly enjoy making music for the Lord. At some point, we'll probably all be in a place where were just about ready to hang it all up and go do something else.
Until today, I was wondering that about this website!
To quote Mark Twain, "I can live for a year on a good compliment."
Musicians work much the same. A couple parting points:
- Don't over-shower with compliments – it cheapens honesty
- Be sincere
- Build-up with suggestions rather than correct issues
- As a director, make sure there's someone building you up too! (Even if it's not in the band!)
Parting Thought
How would Jesus work in a band? (hmm… or would he just get the music out of the way and just preach the Truth™?
God bless you in your ministry!
